June 25 2009 October 4, 2009

     “I’ve always wanted to be able to tell stories, you know, stories that came from my soul. I’d like to sit by a fire and tell people stories—make them see pictures, make them cry and laugh, take them anywhere emotionally with something as deceptively simple as words.”

     Beautifully written and brilliantly expressed. Honestly, I never knew why I loved the art of writing until I read this astounding excerpt. It simply shows you the essence of writing and what it’s really about (in virtually three lines).

     What is even more of a thrill is not only these candid sincere words but the person behind them. Someone I never thought bore so much within him; someone people never gave a chance to understand nor appreciate. Someone I’ve learned so much about (and so much from) in the past three months. He holds the most infamous name on earth: Michael Jackson.

    

 

 

     Yes, this is an extract from his 1988 book, Moonwalk. It’s funny how most of us never took the man seriously; and it’s even funnier how people tend to set judgments aside and become more compassionate only when death strikes. Perhaps an apt word would be: sad. It really is sad and quite shameful (even to myself).

     To be quite frank, I was never an MJ fan; nonetheless, his death did hit a few chords with me. When I first heard the news, I was somehow saddened, and I had no clue why. Perhaps death is a wake-up call for everyone: a sign to let go of our firm grip on life- desperately seeking perfection in nearly every aspect of our lives.

     In some way, that sadness increased and intensified as I watched more coverage of him and the circumstances leading to his passing. But when July 7th came along, it all became a different story.

     On that day, a memorial service was held for Jackson in the Los Angeles Staples Center (where he was practicing for his upcoming tour merely a week before). I watched as many people who knew him, came up to the stand and praised his soul. Up until that moment, I wasn’t raising any eyebrows: the man was gone and people were affably remembering him.

     They spoke of his donations; that Jackson “made the Guinness book of world records for most charities supported by a pop star”. At that point, I was somehow surprised, for hardly was there any stress on the fact that he was a devout humanitarian.

     Moreover, they mentioned those whom Jackson had left an impact on. Not only were they  artists of this generation but youngsters who suffered fatal diseases. They did not need so much of the financial support as much as it was that emotional boost they lacked. He befriended them and opened the gates of his Neverland to them.

     David Rothenburg was a 7-year-old boy who was severely burnt by his father- in an act of revenge against his former wife. Jackson heard of his trauma and phoned David. He provided his companionship and invited the boy several times to his ranch. Furthermore, Jackson’s “Heal the World Foundation” was all about bringing a group of underprivileged children to Neverland- where everything from rides to candies was offered.

     By now, I couldn’t help the questions that were pressing so hard against my mind: Did we ever hear about all of these kind humane gestures? And if we did, weren’t they painted in such a dire awful picture? That he was attracting those children to his dreamlike land to later molest them? Some people don’t specifically believe that but they assume: where there is smoke (the trials once held against him), there is definitely fire.

     At that moment, I began to recall my own opinion when I first heard the allegations once leveled against Jackson: I never believed he was a pedophile, but I do admit that I sensed there was something off about him. To me, Jackson seemed quite a troubled soul- having some deeply psychological issues. That is precisely why I hardly followed his news and the reason he wasn’t one of those figures who intrigued me. I assume many people felt that way too; they were simply neutral.

     However, on that memorial day, a small heartfelt speech was delivered by the end of the service. It flipped over my neutrality into a completely different kind of feeling:

 

 “I just wanted to say … … ever since I was born … … Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine …… and I just wanted to say … I love him … so much … (sobs).”

 

     That was Paris, Michael’s 11-year-old daughter; and that did to me. This was it: my peaking point. I couldn’t take it anymore.

    

     Throughout the memorial, I’ve heard about Michael the artist who broke barriers for other African-American musicians; Michael the greatest performer that ever lived; Michael who broke records, Michael the caring humanitarian; Michael the generous donator and Michael who never stopped lending a hand to those in need.

     But Michael the father? Michael who had a family and three beautiful children? Michael whose loss is consuming his little daughter? Michael who in the end is a person, a human being, a soul?

     Paris Jackson had not the slightest idea that by those simple words she had the courage to deliver, she stirred something within us all- and barely left our eyes dry. When the memorial service was over, I stood up, sat in front of my computer, clicked open the browser and googled: Michael Jackson.

     Enough with the tabloids, enough with the rumors; enough with all that trash and garbage; I just wanted to know one thing and one thing only: Who was Michael Jackson? I wanted to arrive at my own personal conclusion.

     I browsed the internet and read everything about him: his childhood, the Jackson Five, the Thriller album, his marriages, the trials, up until his last few breaths on earth. During that time, I was also witnessing the upheaval created over his death. YouTube videos of him were nonstop and people seemed to be glorifying him.

     At some point, congressman Peter King appeared on TV criticizing the way America was responding to the passing of someone who was merely an entertainer. A number of people stood on his side; similarly, disapproving the reactions. In some way, I did agree with him, but I couldn’t help ponder the question: what does it mean?

     What does it mean when such a fuss was created over his death? What does it mean when people all over the world mourned his loss? What does it mean when someone who was not a fan and hardly had any opinion of the King of Pop had become obsessed, reading nearly any shred of data about him? Seriously, what does it mean? What does it say?

      Farrah Fawcett died on that very same day and barely was there any emphasis on that. Patrick Swayze passed away almost three weeks ago and the response seemed normal. Why was it different when it came to the “bad” singer?

     Whether we know it or not, Jackson’s story had taught us something. Michael always wanted to “make the world a better place” and even in his passing, he had done so.

     The King of Pop was continuously treated as a toy- especially by the media. There were constant frowns and ridicules over his plastic surgeries, his extravagant life style, his masked children and the whole notion of his Neverland ranch. He was incessantly judged and harshly criticized. Numerous endless stories were made about him- to the point where the truth can scarcely be distinguished from the fabricated.

     But what was it like for him? Living the life he lived? Performing since the age of five? Being forced to grow quickly? Having a tough father around? Being born with a sensitive delicate nature? Have we ever thought about walking in his shoes? Just trying them out for a while?

     Oh yes, covering his children’s faces with masks in public was so weird and did more harm than benefit them. But do we really know the reason he did that? Was there ever an incident that threatened the safety of his kids?

     What about his transformed appearance? Yes, definitely, it was so wrong. He should’ve just accepted the way he looked. But how does it feel when you’ve been under the spotlight from a very early age, having to go through adolescence with the glare of the public? As a celebrity, you’re almost compelled to look good.

     And what about other kids’ visits to his ranch? He should’ve stopped them, avoiding the scandals and rumors. But what if you’re someone who truly savors bringing joy to children? Do you know how it really feels when your childhood has been practically stolen from you?

     “When I was six, my mother died … I never had a mother but [Michael] never had a childhood. And when you never get to have something, you become obsessed by it. I spent my childhood searching for my mother figures. Sometimes I was successful … … But how do you recreate your childhood when you’re under the magnifying glass of the world for your entire life?”    (Madonna’s tribute speech to Jackson at the VMA.)

     It is so easy for us to sit behind screens, judging and censuring because we never felt that kind of pain. Even on a smaller scale, we’ve made it a habit to criticize others in our community only to enhance our own sense of worth. We scarcely ever tried being just a little bit understanding.

     That’s the word. There you go: understanding. We can learn from the mistakes of others, but shall never dare to criticize them. Who are we to judge? Do we really think we’re better?

     Michael Jackson was different, and everything about him was different. But there was one thing he shared with us all: he was human. Just like the rest of us, he had both the good and bad sides in him. Sadly enough, his negative traits appeared to be the things he did to himself; but hardly had he ever harmed anyone. He had the purest positive side any human being can ever possessive. People just couldn’t conceive such purity. They immediately denounced him, creating the title: “Wacko Jacko”.

     In the days I spent exploring news, videos, articles and anything that bore the name “Jackson”, I can truly say that I’ve come out of it all a different person. I’ve not only learned to be understanding, but to live better.

     Yes, to live, laugh and just have some plain simple fun. Unfortunately, not so many people know how much Jackson loved life. Goofing around and giggling was his thing. He was such a child at heart.

          It’s ironic how someone who died can teach you so much about life and living. Michael Jackson is gone, but the spirit he left behind will forever live. To some people, it’s the spirit of performing- the music and lyrics he left behind. To others, it’s the spirit of giving: the charities he was most dedicated to. But to me, it’s a different sort of spirit.

     It’s the spirit that once sang: “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change”. A spirit that once uttered the words: “If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”

    

     That’s the kind of spirit I choose to remember him for …

 

Two Options: Resist or Accept? April 17, 2009

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

     Do you know those days when the minute your eyelids lift and you open your eyes to the world (while still lying down in bed), you just know right away that this day is definitely NOT your day? Especially if you’ve woken up to your little niece’s screams? That was undoubtedly this day- today- for me.

 

 

     I was planning on doing so much work, moving things around and once and for all getting it all done. But (and how big that word is) my two married siblings were here at the house along with their spouses and children. And what am I expected to do? Put a smile on, put off those chores and assignments I’ve long been delaying and just mingle with the family!

 

 

     Of course, going with the flow is not easy- especially if you haven’t had your morning coffee yet. Instantly, I got so upset and up in arms. I cursed, grumbled and put the blame on every one. I just couldn’t understand those out-of-the-blue sudden Friday visits! And it hurt me so much that my own close family was doing that. All of this was going through my mind while I was still in my room.

 

 

     Facing up to reality, I knew that I had no choice but to pull it together and get ready. But how could I possibly put a smiley cheerful face on? Knowing that my day has just been flipped over? Not to mention that I was totally not in the mood for family time; just how?

 

  

     While I was washing up, I remembered that analogy a spiritual teacher- Eckhart Tolle- once proposed in one of his on-line webcast classes. He asserts: when you find yourself stuck in the mud, and you begin to protest and resist, you will sink even deeper into that mud. But when you decide to make peace with the situation and accept the fact that it’s done (you’re there and the mud is underneath you and yes, your legs are stuck in it), positive changes take place immediately. Your body begins to flow with soothing inner peace, your mind is cleared out; and only then does the right solution arise. Hence, you begin to move your legs in the right direction, slowly and serenely. Then before you know it, you’re harmlessly out of that trap!

 

 

     Yes, it is what it is. It’s Friday and I desperately wanted to finish some assignments to have enough time for myself. But, my family is here, the kids are running around and I better dress up quickly and get out there. Confronted by two options, I knew that I could either go on complaining, greet everybody with a grudging face, yell at the children for not making any further mess, and get lost in my own mind- regretting all that wasted time. All in all: I could just resist what is. Or I can accept it all (especially that there’s nothing I can do about it at the moment), make peace with it and glide through my day.

 

 

 

     I took a few deep breaths and chose the latter.

 

 

 

     This is how our lives seem to be. Every single day while running around, getting ready for the world out there, we are faced up with two opposing choices, two different options. Either we cease playing that negative tape in our heads, face facts, accept them, approach dilemmas peacefully so that better resolutions will arise; or spend days, weeks, months and years trapped in our own problems, believing that life is nothing but a form of suffering and complain about everything that is not the way we want it to be.

 

 

     It’s our own choice; we pick it, we choose it. It’s not that life imposes a certain way of living; but it’s the way we make use of what life has offered us. I have two eyes. I either use them to see the beautiful and stupendous, or everything that is wrong and repulsive. So what will it be?

  

 

     I opened the door that day and went outside into the living room. It was somehow a circus; nonetheless, I smiled. I lit my face up, for I had already made that decision to just simply and plainly accept.

 

 

     Making myself a cappuccino, I took a few minutes alone to sip that warm drink in utter and complete silence. Then I jumped into the noise and crowd, exchanged a few conversations, laughed and doted my cute little niece (who, by the way, had startled me out of my quiet slumber). Then, while everyone was busy with lunch and conversations, I took advantage of the moment and slipped back into my safe calm haven: my room.

 

 

     Two choices, two options. Whatever you choose, you know for sure that it will affect the consequences. When you resist and gripe, you create more of the unwanted situation while entirely unaware of your own behavior. Moreover, you carry it around with you all day long. On the other hand, acceptance creates peace, liberates your spirit and allows you to seize the day- instead of seeing it slip right in front of you.

 

 

 

     We constantly face those challenging days and moments when it’s much easier to just complain. But ask yourself one question: Is there anything I can do about it? (The last thing you want to be is neutral.) If not, then embrace it, permit it to happen; and be sure that the right answer will shine through.

 

 

     Now, is that knot in your stomach gone? Are you breathing quite evenly? That’s your gut telling you: You’ve made the right decision.

 

 

 

 

  

To be Certain about your Uncertainties February 20, 2009

 

    

     I was sitting there, waiting for my turn. Oddly, I felt quite relaxed; but the atmosphere all around me was turbulent, tumultuous. Tension seemed to be held stuck in the air, subduing all those around me.

  

 

     It was the day of the interview. Everyone seemed to be eager to experience that job- or at least the credentials attached to it. I took a look all around me, moving my eyes from one soul to another: this one looked somehow agitated; the other one came out of the room half an hour ago, yet still hung around and kept talking to others just to reassure herself that she had done well.

  

 

     While I was lost in my own observations, a slight yet uneasy feeling trickled its way up to my throat, causing deep heavy breathing and reigned all over my body. Was this right? Should I let this uneasiness take a hold of matters and lead me through the day or should I go back to my even breathing and serene body posture?

 

 

    Have I been way over my head with my too optimistic attitude, believing that things always happen for a good reason- that whether I got this job or not it was for the better? Or have I totally lost interest in my future and permitted hopelessness to guide me through, making me so indolent as to care less about how well the interview would be carried out? Evidently, I was stuck.

 

 

 

 

     But this did not arouse any soothing feelings: the quivering, the insecurity and the faint shreds of pessimism. I thought: What are the odds? At least if I screw up, I’ll do that smiling all along without messing up my whole day!

 

  

     “They asked me what I thought about Palestine’s current status!?” One of the ladies was shocked by such a political query. I tried to throw in some humor, joking that they might ask me about Barack Obama- given that I was an English major.

 

 

     One of the girls looked at me (as if hmmm-ing within) wondering if there was some peaceful air somewhere nearby that I might had drawn into my lungs which made me all calm and placid. Raising one eyebrow, she bluntly said: “You’re way too positive to undergo this. Listen, they seriously won’t go easy on you with the questions.”

 

 

     Now, I was the one hmmm-ing. I heard my name; I was next. Standing up, I grinned at the face of my own uncertainty and made my way inside.

 

 

     I often think about this: the limits to our own beliefs and principles (on life, not religious ones). Do we fully embrace what we have faith in, or do we leave some room and space for doubts and reservations? I know that instinct steers me to take the right step, but can one always follow their guts and instinct? Are there some restrictions to that? What about looking at the bright side of life? Believing in the good of this world and within each human soul? Where might all this lead to?

  

 

     I constantly have those moments when I second guess myself and pause at the midst of situations where lingering is not actually an option. But often times, I find myself letting go and trying not to put too much thought into it.

 

 

     Author Ms. Gilbert once wrote (in her response to that stimulating question: “What do you know for sure?”): “Sureness is something like a neck brace, which we clamp around our lives, hoping to somehow protect ourselves from the frightening, constant whiplash of change.”  She humorously states that destiny seems to be looking at us, mocking: “Oh, those silly humans! So desperate for their absolutes!”

 

     Gilbert believes that “our deepest assurances” are stripped off our souls because the world is trying to display “that ultimate moral teaching tool: humility.” Nowadays, she settles for feeling 85 percent sure about most matters; it keeps her human. In fact, she is 85 percent sure of that too!

 

 

       And so I came out of the interview that day compressing a chuckle inside. I didn’t give the most ideal answers, gave a blank face to some questions and just spoke my mind out when confronted by vague queries. After I was done, I couldn’t help but release that giggle held inside and stride along the corridor, laughing my heart out!

 

 

     To be completely honest: I cared more about finding out how McDreamy will be proposing to Meredith in the upcoming episode of Grey’s Anatomy than being certain about my uncertainties! Life is just too short, isn’t it?

 

  

    

 

 

The Secret Behind Bingeing February 15, 2009

 

     

                                          

 

    

 

 

     I was doing it again: poking my head into the cookie cabinet or rather the sacred snack cupboard packed with diverse boxes and packages. I was quickly skimming the items: biscuits, chocolates, salty crackers and those elegantly wrapped mini cakes. Standing there, scratching my chin, I was trying to decide which victimized snack I’ll be consuming until the last crumb.

    

     That bag, that orange medium-sized bag filled with healthy nuts and raisins, positioned at the very end seemed to be eyeing me, asking the very question I’d been eluding all week: “What on earth is going on with you? Whatever happened to the healthy Deel?” I simply ignored it that day. I was just still not ready to face up the reason behind my lately insane binging (and unhealthy eating).

 

    

     Obviously, there was something wrong with me. You don’t turn from an utter healthy freak to a complete garbage junk-food consumer for no particular reason. And so I just kept biting on that mouth-watering vanilla Galaxy cake, convincing myself that I’m going to have to deal with this later.

 

    

     I left the kitchen in peace and headed directly to my room. Turning on the computer, I checked my e-mail; and over the tons of forwarded messages I receive daily, there was this peculiar one which read: “The Beast Within”. I glared at the huge number of snacks spread around my lap top and thought to myself: “This beast must have something to do with this craziness!”

 

    

     Clicking on the message, I found a link to an article composed by one of my all-time favorite life-coaches and writers: Martha Beck. The caption read: “It’s been tailing you for years- depression, a hot temper, an irresistible urge for cupcakes- appearing here and there, with no rhyme and reason.”

 

    

     That sentence alone struck a strong chord with me- given the situation I found myself in! I couldn’t help but involuntarily stick my head to the screen, squint my eyes and peruse the whole piece. It not only got a grip of my inner beast but elucidated many of my frequent unexplained behavior.

 

    

     Martha Beck calls this beast: “bête noire” and she specified some steps for readers to “track it, tame it” and send it off sprinting. She suggests that you must first name your bête noire; whether it’s loneliness, a deteriorating marriage, unhealthy bingeing (a high raised-up hand here!) or whatever it may be. Beck states that this initial step is quite crucial: “The power of naming is why so many lives have changed … … Actually, avoiding a scary topic means your subconscious mind is [attached] to it. To let go of something, you first have to admit you’re holding it. True freedom starts with absolute honesty.”

 

    

     She then asks that you estimate how bad your inner beast is on a scale of one to ten. Then begin to recall times when your bête noire was at its worst peak: “The time you were fattest, most socially incompetent … etc.” Ask yourself questions as: “Where was I living? Working? What did I do on a typical day? With whom did I spend time?” And your overall condition.

 

    

     After that, call to memory the best of times when the beast within was so silent as to have departed your soul serenely. Raise the very same queries above and try to remember how your life was at that time and what precisely was going on for you?  Take a moment and sit with yourself for a while. Digging deep might be hurtful and arduous but it’s quite worth every scarred feeling and every tearful eye.

 

    

     At that moment, I moved away from the screen, tilted my head and began pondering. My eyes rolled, I shifted my body weight with every discovery I made. But when I came to the last question: “What did your good times and bad times have in common?” not only did a light bulb pop right over my head but an immense lighted-up chandelier gleamed right above me!

 

    

     Even though I’ve lost weight and have reached my ideal size, this issue never evaded me completely. It was always there, lurking at every corner, waiting to jump at me at any given minute.

 

    

     Upon relating to this topic, Martha Beck realized that the pain in her neck (a symptom of fibromyalgia) was roused when she once attempted writing academic journal articles and almost crushed the spirit out of her when she tried to be her idea of a “perfect mother”. On the other hand, this pain marvelously decreased when she was herself around her children and finally kissed her good-bye upon taking the path of life-coaching.

 

    

     After reading this quite insightful article, I hit on that “x” and closed the browser. Sitting on my desk chair, swinging lightly from one side to another, glancing at the crackers, chocolates, lollipops and gum, I began confronting my inner beast: weight.

 

    

     I thought I was done with this issue; that after having that epiphany right after I finished my weight journey, I have put an end to it all and resolved it. But clearly, I haven’t. There is still more to ascertain and learn.

 

    

     The vital epiphany I had was simply: struggling with weight (or being over-weight) has nothing to do with food or on that level in general. As Bob Greene (the renowned nutritionist and author of The Best Life Diet) confirms: it has more to do with something so deep, something concealed way deep within that is often times hard to admit: a job you despise, lack of balance in your life, familial dilemmas and so on.

 

    

     Once you tackle that problem, your intense cravings suddenly cease, your crazy bingeing disappears and you find yourself eating properly, in the right time- snacking your day off would be the last option on your mind. You just simply and naturally listen to your body’s needs- eating when you’re hungry and in considerable portions. Even managing portions becomes so effortless.

 

    

     But until that day I read Beck’s article, I have never viewed my issue with weight as an inner beast. Something that “my body uses to send messages from my soul to my brain”, simply saying: “Your destiny is not here!” That not only should I figure what my deepest predicament is but that I haven’t been on the right path; that I haven’t been pursuing my passion, doing what I love to do and being who I’m meant to be. I’ve been downright off course.

 

    

     With all of this running through my head while I was still sitting at my desk chair, I suddenly sensed a strong urge take a hold of my fingers. Then I found myself clicking open Microsoft Word and typing the first draft of this very piece of writing.

 

    

     This is what I love to do. This is my passion; and what I believe I’m quite skillful at. I also have faith that every soul out there that hasn’t yet begun striding along its destiny will find its true path very soon- they just need to open their eyes just a tiny little bit.

 

    

     So to all my friends and relatives whom I’ve frequently heard them say:

 

  “Uh, I want to lose weight so badly.”

  “I don’t ‘sometimes’ see myself as huge; I always do.”

  “There’s this 14-day diet that guarantees eight kilos to be stripped off your body.”

 

 

 

     I straight forwardly say to them: first of all, this has nothing to do with dieting, snacks, greasy food … etc. It’s just that your problems have been transmuted into weight (while others’ troubles have resulted into health issues, physical pain and so on).  You’re focusing on your weight to avoid the bigger, more serious predicament you have. Dig deep and bring it to the surface.

 

 

     Secondly, look for your passion; you don’t necessarily need to “let passion drive your profession.” But just knowing what you’re good at and practicing it brings such pure bliss to your spirit- allowing you to live and fulfill each and every day to your utmost potential.

 

    

     So I now declare that having this bête noire is something I am truly thankful for. The beast within is at the meantime tied up and pacified; but it will always be there warning me once I lose track. And so it was that inner beast which drove me to the supermarket that day and filled my cart with snacks. It was also that very inner beast that took control of me for a whole week.

 

    

     But that day as I returned the chocolates and cookies back to the cabinet (triumphing over my bête noire) I found that orange healthy nut bag still positioned where it was, untouched. I reached out to it, and I swear it’s almost as if it winked at me!

 

 

 

The Hidden Sage Within Us All February 1, 2009

 

 

“So what should I do?”

“Hmm … What if you …”

 

    

     I was in the midst of one of those conversations you usually have with a close friend. They seem to be stuck; they call you and seek advice. You give up all that wisdom and insightful words formed and shaped over various experiences you’ve gone through. They listen, but for some reason, nothing you can ever say resonates with them. They keep bouncing back your advice, declining to embrace it. You keep talking, encouraging, doing your best to simply be a good friend. Still, nothing stirs.

   

    

     In that conversation, I paused at the midst of my own words and suddenly blurted out:

 

“I think you alone know what to do and how to deal with your situation.”

“How is that?”

“You know the answer. You’re just either too scared to pull it out onto the surface (reluctant to trust in your own guts) or you simply haven’t sat alone and listened to your own thoughts. I’m just sure you know what to do.”

    

    

     It’s amazing how inspiration suddenly dawns at us- a blessing not all are quite fully aware of. At that very moment with my friend, I found myself uttering those words. I was merely there, listening to her, all ears.  

  

     This is the case with most of us humans out there. We all have that inner wisdom stored from years of tough incidents and ordeals. When we seek advice, we are unconsciously looking for someone to point out something we already know, or bring forth a certain answer obscured deep inside of us.

 

 

     That is precisely why some people are often unwilling to hear you out and adhere to your suggestions. It simply doesn’t resonate with them. It is usually said: “All answers come from within.” Some people are either too fearful to see it or their vision is still blurred by those intense emotions they’re going through.

 

    

     Often times I find myself facing up to a certain dilemma, lost in my own thoughts, trying to figure out matters. All of a sudden, someone offers their advice. Instantly, I revolt- refusing to hear them out; but I try to be polite and just accept their concerns. Then I feel guilty for not yielding to their words and being somewhat stubborn- thinking that I always have the answers for every predicament.

 

    

     The truth of the matter is: if someone has not asked for your help or assistance, don’t offer it. Just don’t; it loses its merit. Those people might just need to deal with their problems alone. They simply have to undergo that arduous phase in order to come out with their own wisdom, their own “learned lesson”.

 

    

     Someone once thanked me for changing her life, for bringing “joy” back to her world. I didn’t do that. I never did. I just roused something that was already within her. She had the susceptibility to become an optimist and by merely interacting with me, her almost deceased inner positivity was brought back to life.

 

    

     The credit is all hers; she did most of the work. Receiving that jovial energy and permitting it to alter her day-to-day life is what it took from her. She had to be committed to that. I was just there, in the background of her life, doing what I’m doing.

 

    

     Sometimes by merely being who you are and acting quite spontaneously, you present precious lessons for others to grasp and live by. No matter how old you are or what situation you find yourself in, never underestimate your influence on people. Often times, children can be so inspiring, teaching us simple matters which we’ve become so consumed with our demanding jobs and burdened responsibilities to just stop and relish. Simple matters like the beauty of unconditional love.

 

    

     Once, while I was spellbound by a TV program, my six-year-old niece looked up at me from underneath piles of toys and quietly said: “I love you aunt Deel”. I was touched. Her words moved me to the core; I realized that children incredibly teach us how to facilely express our true feelings without worrying what the other person might think. Their affections are pure, innocent and honest.

 

    

     Many times while I’m listening to a relative or a friend venting away and speaking her mind out, I find myself completely mute. I try to come out with something soothing to say, but nothing seems to be induced. So I just sit there and listen. Only after a while do I realize this relative or friend of mine merely needed someone at which to lay off what she had compressed so tightly within.

 

    

     Mostly, when you put yourself in other people’s shoes, they can sense your compassion and understanding. Instinctively, you act in alignment with what ought to be done. Sometimes it’s words; other times it’s certain gestures but sometimes it’s nothing. It’s just your ears they want- acting like their personal journal.

 

    

     If you’re reading these lines- nodding your head or smiling- and you sense something resonating from deep within, that’s your inner hidden sage moving its mouth and phrasing its wisdom. Be still and listen to it.

 

    

A Moment to Behold for the Rest of Your Life January 23, 2009

    

     He was still there, glancing at my brother and I, making sure we were having a blast. It was one fine afternoon; my dad had taken us out for lunch and no doubt, our eyes were glittering with joy.

     Do you know how it feels when you’re a kid, sitting at one of McDonald’s multicolored chairs waiting for your Happy Meal? The anticipation of the type of toy you’ll find wrapped up with that plastic bag inside the box with a yellow “M” at the top?

 

     That day, the smell of those cheeseburgers and french fries was filling the air. People were chatting and waiting in lines. It was a Saturday weekend and the place was crammed. My dad looked somehow pale and my mom seemed lost in her own apprehensive mind. But I was just happy.   

     At that time, eight years were all that I had seen of this world. The area in which we resided in did not have that popular yummy burger place and so we had to drive almost one hour and a half to arrive at Casablanca where you can see that immense yellow “M” sign gleaming from a distance.

 

     I now look back at that day and recall so vividly how exhilarated I was and how spontaneous it all happened- for my father suddenly woke up that morning and decided to take us out. I remember I was literally leaping with joy. Did I ever ask myself why he made up his mind to take us on that virtually long one-hour drive even though he was worn-out and tired?

 

 

     I was still an eight-year-old; worrying and questioning matters did not yet grow into me- let alone when something stupendous was about to take place. But now, at the age of twenty-three, I have just fully comprehended what that whole day was about.

    

     During that time, I was merely relishing my moments and had not the slightest clue behind my father’s intentions. This was a blessing. I was exuberant, amused, laughing; acting like a child who had the ideal life, the perfect parents and this magnificent world all around her.   

    

     But four months from that very beautiful spectacular day, my father passed away. His health deteriorated and he gave up his life to cancer. He was losing the battle; and at that time, deep down inside, he was certain that the count down had commenced.  For this reason and this instinctive sensation, he chose that bright afternoon to spend his remaining days with his family.

    

     I wasn’t aware of any of this. I might had had glimpses and slight feelings that there was something wrong, but just being at that restaurant and playing with those electronic games captivated me and distracted my attetnion. Had I known that that splendid afternoon marked the last time I’d be spending with my father, I would had barely enjoyed it.

    

     Being a child, it was easy for me to be and live in the present moment. To many kids out there, it scarcely is a concept. They practically and naturally apply it to their day-to-day lives. But when it comes to adults, the case is completely different.

    

     How many times did we go out for lunch with a couple of friends or relatives and instead of merely being there with them, we seemed to be lost in our own heads thinking about the chores and tasks that lie ahead? How many times did we live up the past in our minds when we were in the midst of our family and loved ones?

    

     Worse of all, how many times were you at a party or a wedding and instead of dancing your worries away, you were anxious if someone noticed the two or three extra kilos you gained? Or the hair that wasn’t styled perfectly? Or the not-up-to-the-standard-makeup? Just how many times?

    

     Sara, (a blogger on onsimplicity.com) once wrote: “Often (but not always), your most memorable experiences—the ones that stand out from all the others—are those when you’re caught up in the moment, while the time spent planning ahead or reminiscing about the past are mostly forgotten.”

    

     One of her “four paths to staying in the moment” is a focus on the five senses. She suggests that we take deep breaths and plainly ask ourselves: “What do I smell?”, “What sounds do I hear?”, “What do I sense on my skin?” As Sara phrases it: these are the precise details that distinguish each and every moment in our lives.

    

     On the other hand, worrying is one of the prime “Moment Killers”:

“Unless you can take action, worrying won’t get you anywhere. It’s human nature to worry, but try not to be a slave to worrywart-ism  I don’t think you can totally axe worry and concern, but you can accept that you’ve made a choice to act or not to act, and that you’ll deal with the consequences later.”

    

     That day when I was all smiles, eating my burger, surrounded by my parents and siblings is a day I truly cherish. I was carefree, cheerful, in high spirits. I wasn’t concerned about what might happen or when this blissful moment would end. I was simply there- savoring every breath I took.

    

     I am so tremendously grateful for bearing this last remarkable memory of my dad. It never occurred to him that he was creating an astounding moment for his daughter to behold for the rest of her life.

    

     I miss my father; I always have: I missed him on the day I wore my robe for my high-school graduation party. I missed him the day I received the news of being the top student in college (I just wanted him to be so proud); and I am so definitely sure that I’m going to miss him the day I get married.

    

     But I will never forget that day, that afternoon, that long ride to McDonald’s, the happy meal, my mom, the people there, and most certainly: my father’s face.

 

     A wise soul once said: “Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”   

 

    

     May your soul rest in peace, dad … Amen.

Do You Have to be Perfect to be Beautiful? January 11, 2009

    

     Gazing at my reflection in the mirror early in the morning one day, I began to wonder whether this bad habit of mine will ever vanish. Or could it really be labeled a “bad habit”?

 

     One thing I was and am still certain of is that many women out there go through the very same morning ritual I undergo every single day. It’s always that pimple, that big nose, this repulsive cellulite, the saggy tummy or simply anything that is just not right.

 

     Is there really an end to this? Can’t we simply commence a beauty revolution? Will our outmost attempts at embodying perfection ever cease?

 

     That day, and on that very splendid morning I had had enough with torturing myself and listening to other girls do they same to their self-image. Enough was enough. There was definitely a way in dealing with such pricks to our self-esteem. But what could it be?

 

     On that peculiar morning while I was standing there, staring at my reflection, many uplifting thoughts dawned at me. First, I thought to myself: “These flaws that are driving me insane are hardly noticeable to anyone but myself!” Since I was glue-sticking my head to the bathroom mirror, it was easy to convince myself with that idea- for who could ever have the guts to stick their heads close to my face? Besides, when we look at other people, scarcely do we scrutinize every square inch of their faces and bodies. We mostly give a general over all glimpse. Sometimes (if not always), we look at others with a gentle eye and ourselves with a highly critical one.

 

     Another soothing thought popped up out of nowhere: “Why don’t I just embrace these blemishes and flaws and become an exception?”  One of my relatives who is unbelievably dazzling and stunning constantly complains about her facial hair. I look at it differently. To me, she is an ideal example for all women out there: whether you bleach or wax that hair off your face, it has nothing to do with beauty. You can still look gorgeous with or without it!

 

     Then I recalled a time when I felt an inner boost of confidence while watching the true Hollywood story of Jennifer Lopez. This actress is one who is undeniably comfortable in her own skin. For that reason, she isn’t succumbed into the size zero phenomenon.

     

     Lopez controls her food portions, exercises and declares that she does allow herself the pleasure of junk food and snacks from time to time. Her figure isn’t skinny; and she does have some feminine attractive curves. Most beauty experts and celebrity stylists who commented on her physique used words as: “real” and “natural”. Adding that she looked like a “normal human being”. Those words echoed in my own ears: real, normal and human.

 

     Standing in my PJ that morning, I squinted at my image for a while. Then I made that true vow to myself: from this day on, I accept myself the way I am in whatever way I look. I’ll do my best to take care of my appearance and body. Then, I’m going to leave it at that.

 

     I recited to myself: “I look real, natural and human. Those flaws are barely detectable to anyone; and even if they are, who knows? I might be a model and an exception for someone!”

 

     I washed up that day, styled my hair, got all dressed up, and caught my reflection once again: I was glowing. Could that be? Could thoughts and ideas impact your outer image? Would something work its way from the inside out?

 

     As I continued this beauty revolution and kept this sincere vow to myself, people never stopped showering me with compliments and words of praise. It was never the case before- for I was too busy, lost in my own roaring mind to notice or accept benevolent words (or falttering looks) from anyone.

 

     So yes to all the queries raised above; and as that paraphrased statement of Plato’s asserts: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Do you really have to be perfect to be beautiful?

What is Your Heart Telling You? December 25, 2008

 

 

   

     There is this moment in our lives when we find ourselves stuck in the middle. There is the right path and the left one; we cannot just reside in the middle for a while. We need to make up our minds and face the consequences whatever they may be.

      It’s how Elizabeth Gilbert puts it (in Eat Pray Love): “We [are] like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses- one foot is on the horse called ‘fate,’ the other on the horse called ‘free will.’” Should we permit destiny to take its course? Or do we have a say in the matter? “Which horse do [we] need to stop worrying about because it’s not under [our] control and which do [we] need to steer with concentrated effort?”

     It’s an arduous moment; it tears you apart, especially if that one decision will make an immense impact and difference to your whole world. I’ve been there before. It was tough. I just had to choose one of the two paths and stick to it.

    Most of the time, we tend to apply our logic and mindful thinking. We take a hesitant step forward fretting that our world might fall apart. Sometimes it works, but sometimes …

     The question simply is: How do we deal with such moments? Especially that we encounter them excessively. How can we judge what is right from wrong? What might work from what might devastate? Just how?

     God the Almighty is called the Merciful for so many reasons. He has blessed all human beings with a gift so natural that if we can just become aware of it and apply it throughout our years, we will undoubtedly become more and more grateful.

     When you face such a situation in your life, pause for a moment. Listen to a slight subtle feeling, a sensation deep inside of you. Silence your mind for a moment and just hear it out. This feeling either prompts you to jump forward or holds you back still. It’s what some call: our inner most “valid compass”. It guides, soothes and aids us. It’s what we call: our instinct, guts and intuition.

     In the past year, I’ve allowed such a blessing to wheel me through life. I took the jobs my instinct nodded at and turned my back to what it shouted at. Even in relationships with people: you can tell from a distance without even uttering a single word to a particular person if he/she is the type to trust.

     At times it’s not that easy. Your intuition and gut seems to give you mixed signals; or sometimes, your overwhelmed mind interferes and takes over the whole scene. When this occurs, give yourself some time and (as they say) “sit” with your decision for a while. Don’t rush it. Just wait.

     “When you don’t know what to do, get still. The answer will come.” That is what Ms. Winfrey had to say in summing up how she created what most refer to as the “Oprah Brand”. Furthermore, she adds: make one decision at a time; go with what feels right. “Trust your instinct. Intuition doesn’t lie.”

     Of course this natural gift might not guarantee the best of results. Nonetheless, it brings about what is meant to be and destined to happen. Often times, we stride with that instinct, undergo quite a tough experience only to learn a vital lesson in the end. We come out of that ordeal, different people with different outlooks. It taught us something; it opened our eyes to certain matters.

     That is why our gut told us to go for it in the first place. We needed to ascertain that lesson; we needed to grow and have a better understanding of things. Mistakes are what make us human and in themselves teach us unforgettable lessons.

    Hence, by the end of the day and in that late hour of night, only one question prevails: “What is your heart telling you?” Just answer it and smile your way through that upcoming experience!

They’re Just Not You December 12, 2008

    

     It’s amazing how words can simply alter many things: our attitudes, perspectives, choices in life, viewpoints … (the list goes on). I often think to myself: “Words, hmmm”.

 

 

 

     Have you ever encountered one of those days when you’re just going with the flow of life and all of a sudden, just out of the blue comes the most insightful words that your ears seem to grasp onto so strongly refusing to hear anything but those very words? It was one of those days for me. It truly changed the way I now look at myself, those around me and my over all approach to life every day that the sun rises.

 

     I was sitting in the living room, minding my own business, savoring every sip of that delicious piña colada and hopelessly watching one of those programs (How to Look Good …..)-supposedly designed to make all ladies out there feel good about themselves.

 

                                            

 

     The host of the show was dealing with an African- American woman of two kids who used to be a model in her early years. She sadly gained some baby weight that took her down in the dumps and reached a point where getting out of bed required quite some psychological effort on her part. The woman was on the screen venting away and crying: “I see other mommies getting smaller and smaller while I’m just getting bigger and bigger.”

 

     Carson Kressley- the host- patted her on the back, waited until she calmed down and responded with words that bore so much meaning I instantly clung to so desperately permitting them to live with me each and every day. Words …

 

     So here is what he said, precisely: “It’s not fair to you to compare yourself to others. They do not have your life, your situation, your financial status, your health, nothing. You’re not doing yourself a favor by comparing. They’re just not you.”

 

     “It’s not fair to you …”

 

     How many times have we bumped into an old friend (from high-school or college) and immediately began making a chart in our heads of who lost weight more? Who has gotten more beautiful? Who has …? We can’t help it, we’re just women.

 

     But that day, I thoroughly understood what Kressley meant. Every one of us has his/her own life, history, aptitudes, talents and our own individuality. Your friend might have the better figure, but you might have the better life circumstances. Another person might be well off but without any friends or family around while someone else is probably financially struggling but has the support and love of relatives and close ones.

 

     Our lives are so different; and mostly when we’re comparing, we are looking at someone’s FANTASTIC side and our GHASTLIEST one- “not fair”. This is exactly when the envious feelings arise. It’s not about that person we’re jealous of, but about that sense of inferiority we feel so deep within us, it almost kills us. Worst of all: we’ve created that feeling ourselves.

 

     If we can just focus on our own world, our own life, acknowledge the blessings we have, we would truly live our day-to-day life differently. By looking at what we have, we infuse more positive energy into it and push our lives to the better, forever enhancing.  When we merely compete against our past achievements and outward appearance, we will live in more peace with ourselves. Just ask yourself: “How far have I gone since last year?” from career to outer figure.

 

     Better still: when you live in your own realm and stop peeking into the lives of others, you’ll notice the success of others, be happy for them and only then will you learn from their accomplishments.  A positive reaction almost always brings about a positive result. The author of The Secret asserted in her book: when you celebrate the triumph of another person, you attract that it into your life.

 

     For when you are truly satisfied with your life, you can open yourself up to feel joy for another being and thus unconsciously ascertain lessons from them- that’s how you “attract” success into your world. No wonder our prophet (pbuh) asked that we wish for others what we desire for ourselves.

 

     But if you instead begin to involuntarily compare, you’ll probably start copying them (losing your sense of individuality) or become frustrated, crushed and attempt to avoid those people who simply stir your jealousy. Do you then learn from their prosperity? I doubt it.

 

     So let’s do ourselves a favor and stop comparing and competing with others; they are not you. You have your own distinctive life. Be grounded in your own world and exert all that power you have into your points of strength (whether in your personality or life).

 

     The English motivational speaker and trainer, Marcus Buckingham confirmed (in his book: Go Put Your Strengths to Work) that mulling over your weaknesses pulls you down and exhausts your soul. Instead, it’s your strength -that God distinguished you with- which if you give all your attention to will aid you in thriving and outshining!

 

     Can you imagine how much of a peaceful, tranquil and delightful world we would all be living in if every soul on mother earth had faith in their own life and ceased looking at others with envy, malice and hatred?

                                 

What Do You Know for Sure? December 8, 2008

    

                                                                             

   

    

     I was just reading Oprah’s monthly column in her mesmerizing O Magazine. Her article is always entitled: “What I Know for Sure”. Every month Oprah shares one of her Aha! Moments- the ones we never seem to get enough of.

 

     Whenever I receive any issue of her magazine, I instantly flip over to the last page where her insightful most inspirational column lies. I read it with utter amusement and absorb every word within it. The oddest thing is: I never asked myself that question before. What do I know for sure? Ms. Winfrey has interviewed many people from around the globe and asked them this very question. I think I assumed it was only a query to be answered by those influential figures.

 

     I’m an ordinary woman, making my way through life, learning, discovering, having fun, communicating with others; but I think I know one thing or another about life. (Doesn’t this blog say anything?) And I believe every one of us has their own philosophies on life that ought to be respected by others.

 

     So here is what I know for sure:

 

     Being alive is one of life’s most precious blessings. I’m grateful for the air I breathe, for my health and the senses that allow me to feel my way through the day. I’m most thankful for the people I meet, and the lessons I learn from them. More importantly, I’m gratified for family. Every time I’m in the midst of them, I smile- even though they sometimes give me a hard time but a soul just needs other souls to survive!

 

     I’ve learned to accept reality instead of running away from it and avoiding it. It is what it is; and once the bigger picture unfolds, you realize that everything happened the way it should have.

 

     “What you resist persists” and “What you fight, you strengthen.” That has been my mantra for quite some time. It’s all about permitting life to be. I also know for sure that getting attached to matters and events that happened in your past doesn’t really help you to live this day to your fullest potential. Detach, set your spirit free and remember (as the author of The Power of Now puts it): past events exist in the mind only. They don’t control you unless you allow them to.

 

     I’m not a person who has struggled a lot in life. On the contrary, I think I’ve been born with that silver spoon. But one thing I definitely know for sure is that whether you have a Paris Hilton life or a Chris Gardner’s early striving phase of life, at some point, we suddenly feel so sorry for ourselves. We sense that there is something missing and that as long as this gap isn’t filled, then happiness cannot flow into our lives.

 

     We all have those moments, and it’s only when we meet someone who endured more anguish that we actually pause and reconsider. The fact is: every one of us is living the life we’re meant to live. If we can just see the beauty in our lives (even the slightest), we’ll be able to direct our efforts towards it, pour our hearts out and probably become a Bill Gates one day.

 

     What I know for sure is that we should cease feeling sorry for ourselves (for every person has had their share of drama) and fill every moment, every second and every fraction of a second in our lives with hope, joy, warmth and serenity.

 

     Now, I’m asking you: What do you know for sure? Post a comment and tell me.